Window Shopping at Horse Mart
“A horse is a false hope for victory; Nor does it deliver anyone by its great strength.”What is your “horse?” I pondered over Psalm 33:17 the other day, and I realized that my horse has always been my mind. If I’m going to be happy in this life, I’m going to achieve it by being smart. Sadly, this strategy hasn’t worked out so well for me. First of all, only intimacy with God brings happiness. Second, if I’m going to do this without God, I might want to find a better horse.
Applying to various PhD. programs in philosophy this past year has made me poignantly aware of my misplaced faith. What is my hope? That someone will think I’m smart enough for their program. That my horse will win.
But suddenly, I realized that God had a deeper lesson for me. It wasn’t that I was trusting in my horse instead of in Him. The truth is, I don’t have much of a horse. The real tragedy is this – that my heart’s desire was not for Him, but rather for a stronger horse. Instead of coming to God in my weakness, I’ve been window shopping at the Horse Mart.
What God spoke into my heart, so gently, was that no matter how smart I am or ever could be, it would never bring me what I desire – deep, lasting happiness. In fact, I could be dumber than a bag of hammers and be a lot happier than I am now. Only one thing is necessary. Lord, help me to choose it.
posted by Chris at 10:39 AM
2 Comments:
Of course, we'd have to agree on what "happiness" is. For the Christian, by definition, true happiness necessarily included God. I don't mean to be disrespectful, but your happiness is only a shadow of what it could be with God. I don't even have to know you to make this claim.
Of course, you will disagree. And we may be stuck there.
Also, when I use the word "happy," I am using the classical sense, not the American pop-culture sense. It has little to do with pleasure or circumstances.
You write too much.
I had planned on posting a comment this weekend (today) earlier in the week when I had checked your blog only to discover you've posted a dozen more thoughts since then...sheesh (you'll do well in grad school).
Regarding your thoughts about the application process: I have come to believe that one must remember to focus on the initial "tug" that He gives us. It's all too easy to lose that focus as we continue the journey (remind me of this next time I begin to gripe about my grad program). I agree with you that it is all too easy to rely on our "horse" and not lean on Him as a source of strength and encouragement. But if we have sought His lead through prayer and council and we have stayed true to the task at hand, I do believe He will ultimately be glorified, and that, my friend, is the end goal.
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